12 Are You Sentimental or Stuck?

 

ARE YOU SENTIMENTAL OR STUCK?

Someone who is sentimental is strongly motivated to act by emotions and may hold onto things because of how he feels about them, rather than for practical reasons.

There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, except if you do it with too many things and you refuse to let anything go, then it becomes a problem.

If that happens, you may well be stuck. By that I mean that your emotions serve as a paralyzing force keeping you from moving forward – your feelings about your things take precedence over practical (financial, health & safety!) concerns.

• SENTIMENTAL: You save a few things that have positive memories associated with them.
• STUCK: You save everything with positive memories associated with them.

• SENTIMENTAL: You’re capable of tossing something that has a positive memory if you don’t have the space for it.
• STUCK: You can’t part with a special object no matter what!

• SENTIMENTAL: The select items you save honor an experience you had.
• STUCK: You save everything even if it is not particular to your own life experience.

• SENTIMENTAL: You discover you have multiple items associated with the same emotion or memory and choose the best one rather than saving them all.
• STUCK: You save all the items because you have had them for so long.

Being sentimental doesn't mean you are incapable of making decisions!

Often people experience anxiety with the prospect of letting go of items. They become so anxious about making decisions that they get stuck and don’t make any decisions. Some anxiety is normal, but it need not paralyze you!

*Begin by simply thinking about, visualizing in your mind, your select, most treasured items that will make the move.

Ask Yourself!

1.      Is there a treasured story attached to this item? -If the answer is no, leave the item behind. If yes …

2.      Does the story make you feel good? If not, leave it behind. If yes …

3.      Is the item relevant to your life today? If not leave it behind. If yes …

4.      Will I have the space to display it? If no, then #5. If yes, then place item on your Legacy List.

5.      Is there a family member or friend who would benefit from this item? If not, then #6. If yes, set item aside to be given to the family member or friend.

6.      Is there an organization that would benefit from this item? If no, leave it behind. If yes, set item aside to be donated.

Selecting the most treasured items rather than getting stuck on keeping every item will be essential to creating a safe and healthy home for years to come!

“You can be uncomfortable and not want to do this. That’s normal, but this needs to be done, and you can handle it.”

SOURCE: Zasio, R. (2014). The hoarder in you how to live a happier, healthier, uncluttered life. Dr. Robin Zasio. Rodale.

11 What Happens When You Are Evicted?

 

Illinois’ eviction laws can be found at 735 ILCS § 5/IX.

If rent is not paid on time as stipulated in lease, then:

1. Rent Demand Notice - 5 days to pay past-due rent

2. Landlord Files an Eviction Lawsuit with the Court - If the renter does not vacate within the specified days contained within the Notice (after service), the landlord files an Eviction Complaint and Eviction Summons with the Circuit Clerk's Office.

3. Court Serves Tenant a Summons – a court date is set. *Corky can move out anytime after receiving Notice. If he moves out, he is not required to attend the hearing. He is responsible for moving expenses.

4. Landlord and Tenant Attend Court Hearing and Receive Judgment - the court will issue an Eviction Order for the landlord’s recovery of the rental premises.

5. Tenant Gets Seven to 14 Days to Move Out - The sheriff will then post the eviction order at the tenant’s residence. *If Corky is still in the apartment at this point, and decides to move, he is financially responsible for any removal of possessions.

6. Sheriff Arrives to Forcibly Remove the Tenant - If the tenant has not moved out of the unit within the time specified by the eviction order, the sheriff will return to forcibly remove the tenant from the premises. The landlord is not required to store any personal property that the tenant leaves behind.

From the Rock Island County Sheriff’s Office:

“The deputy sheriff overseeing the eviction process will determine property to be removed from said residence. Items removed will be set at the curb (where garbage is normally picked up). After 24 hours, the landlord is responsible for the disposal of said contents when said property is not claimed by the evicted party.”

10 The Big Sort Harm Reduction Plan

 

Our “Big Sort” Harm Reduction Targets

SAFETY:

Reduce fire risk by disposing of all nonessential paper to include newspapers, magazines, and books.

• Target: Corky selects 10 most treasured books.

Collect important documents.

• Target: Organize all important, essential documents and records (Medical records, Medicare, Medicaid, etc.) into one plastic file box.
• Target: Shred nonessential paper records and documents.

Create safe walkways

• Target: Dispose of tripping hazards like boxes, rugs, and nonessential furniture.

Maintain household cleanliness

• Target: Reduce the amount of surface area that collects dust by selecting *20 Legacy List items which will be on display in the new apartment.

HEALTH:

Improve air quality by reducing dust, mold, and damp. 

• Target: Dispose of all nonessential storage boxes and their nonessential contents; clear closets and dispose of nonessential contents; dispose of nonessential furniture.

Reduce possibility of insect infestation.

• Target: Pack all essential items and Legacy List items into new (3 CF) moving boxes.

Avoid ingestion of harmful items

• Target: Dispose of expired medications and food products.
• Target: Place current medications in a single, lidded plastic container.
• Target: Place personal hygiene products in a separate, lidded plastic container.

SUPPORT:

Recognize that moving can be stressful.

• Target: Team members will listen and speak to one another respectfully during “The Big Sort.”
• Target: Team members will encourage each other to stay on track.
• Target:  Team Corky will plan for some time away from “The Big Sort” to engage in “fun” activities. 

Focus on new apartment.

• Target: Team members will refer to the new apartment floor plan to assist Corky in making selections based on the actual square footage of the new apartment.
• Target: Team members will collaborate with Corky on selecting essential replacement items suitable for the new apartment.
• Target: The 20 Legacy List display items will be on display in the new apartment.
• Target: Team members will work with Corky to ensure that his new apartment closet is utilized effectively for clothing, his archival storage box, and one 66-quart, plastic storage bin for miscellaneous items.

Continue Team communication

• Target: During “The Big Sort”, team members will remind one another of Corky’s overall, agreed upon Harm Reduction Targets,
• Target: Team members will utilize Decision-Making Questions to assist Corky in selecting his 20 Legacy List items.
• Target: Team members will utilize Decision-Making Questions to assist Corky in deciding what will happen to the NON-Legacy List items.
• Target: Set aside NON-Legacy List items for one of the following:
• To be photographed for inclusion in Corky’s Memory Album,
• To be digitized,
• To be packed (family photographs and paper ephemera) into one 5-inch-deep, acid-free archival box.
• To be given to family members or friends,
•  To be donated to an organization.

9 Legacy List and Decision-Making Questions

It can be emotional to let go of possessions that hold sentimental value or have been a part of your life for a long time. There can be a tremendous amount of emotion, ranging from shock to fear, from annoyance to dread. You may feel anger and resentment. Emotions may run high, as decisions must be made, and patience often wears thin. Creating a Legacy List can help reduce negative emotions by helping you to focus on what really matters. “You can be uncomfortable and not want to do this. That’s normal, but this needs to be done, and you can handle it.”

What is a Legacy List?

Legacy List is a process of refining and curating possessions that you treasure and bring you joy. This is NOT deciding what to donate, recycle, or discard! The focus is on selecting items that have the most value.

Objects do not hold your emotions, you do!

Objects do not hold your memories, you do!

 An item on your Legacy List is something that reminds you:

• Who you are now,
• Where you have come from, and/or
• What you value in life

 How do you choose items to go on a Legacy List?

 Use Decision-Making Questions.

Ask yourself:

• Does this item fill my heart with, not just happiness, but joy?
•  Would I still feel that joy without the physical item?
• Does this item depict my life’s greatest achievements? 
• Would I still feel that pride without the physical item?
• Does this item embody my highest values in life? 
• Would I still hold those values without the physical item?
• Is this item suitable for my new living space?
• Do I want to include this item as one of my 20 Legacy List items? 

(If “yes”, add the item to your Legacy List.)

Why 20 Legacy List items?

Obviously, Corky is moving to a smaller apartment with less room to display items!

Why not put more than 20 items in boxes and store them in a closet?

Again, Corky is moving into a smaller apartment with one closet. Boxes will take up valuable space that will be used for clothing.

If you treasure something why put it in a closet or a box? If an item is one of your most treasured items, it is your legacy - frame it, put it on a shelf, put it where you and everyone else can see it. The focus is on honoring Corky’s legacy – not hiding it.

What about the sentimental items that are not on the Legacy List?

 Use Decision-Making Questions

• Do I want to include a photograph of this item in my *Memory Album?
• Do I want to *digitize this item for storage on my computer, digital photo frame, or DVD?
• Do you want to include this item in my **archival storage box?
• Could a family member or friend benefit from this item?
• Could an organization benefit from my donation of this item?

*We will photograph items to create a Memory Album, or we will digitize items, like family VHS tapes. This will allow Corky to keep the memories and the information without taking up physical space. It also makes things easier to find.

**Corky will select his most treasured family photographs and paper ephemera. We will store these most treasured items into one 5-inch-deep, acid-free archival box. This box will fit easily into his closet. We can also photograph or digitize sentimental items that will not fit into his archival box

What about the guilt of getting rid of things from loved ones?

Guilt is not a reason to keep stuff. Your love for someone lives in your heart, not in a thing. Your heart can never be too full, but your apartment can be. The love you have for your parents or grandparents doesn’t live in inanimate objects. No one ever comes back, but memories do. Keep the memories, get rid of the guilt.

It is essential to approach life-sizing with intention and discernment. Rather than holding onto every sentimental item, we will focus on preserving 20 Legacy List items that bring Corky genuine joy and:

·         Reveal who he is,

·         Share where he has come from,

·         And show what he values.

Remember: “You can be uncomfortable and not want to do this. That’s normal, but this needs to be done, and you can handle it.”

8 Roles and Responsibilities

 

Roles and responsibilities work together to define what each team member will do.

Generally, a role is a person's place on the team.

Responsibilities are the duties and tasks assigned to a role.

After discussions between Corky, Heidi, Greg, and Heather, we have established the following Team Corky Roles and Responsibilities.

Corky’s Role & Responsibilities: He Must Make a Choice

Choice #1: First and foremost, Corky must understand that if he chooses NOT to move to Heritage Woods:

•     Team members will not provide any type of financial assistance
• Team members will not “bail him out” of eviction or homelessness
• Team members will not provide him housing
• Team members will not store or keep any of his possessions

 OR …

Choice #2: Corky must understand and accept that moving to Heritage Woods is in his best, long-term interests, even if he must significantly reduce the number of his nonessential possessions.

If Corky chooses to work with Team Corky members to make the move to Heritage Woods, he will:

Focus on his new home.

Plan for a smaller apartment and work with Team Corky members to develop an appropriate floor plan

Work with Team Corky to organize select possessions making the move:

• Essentials – (items have already been listed!)
• Coordinate with Team members to choose any replacements of essential items
• Create a “Legacy List” - A very selective list of nonessential, sentimental items that will make the move to include:
•  Display Items (wall décor and knickknacks): These are 20 items that make you happy and best relay to anyone coming into your new apartment who you are.
• Family Photographs and paper ephemera: These are photographs and paper items (newspaper clippings, certificates, etc.) you like to look at occasionally. They will be stored in an archival box.
• Work with Team members to identify sentimental items not on your Legacy List to be photographed for inclusion in a Memory Album.
• Identify any items you want to give to family and friends.
• Identify any family photos or family VHS tapes for digital preservation.
•  Support efforts of Team Corky members.

Heather will be the Life-Sizing Coordinator

*NOTE: $ = financially responsible.

Heather is responsible for:

• Informing Team Corky of how the life-sizing process works and providing weekly or biweekly updates.
• Creating a *Life-Sizing Plan that supports Corky’s safety, health and support targets.
• Coordinating *The Big Sort that focuses on Legacy List items to keep.
• Providing *Decision-Making Questions to assist in Legacy List item selection.
• Ensuring that the selected possessions will fit safely in his new apartment.
• Securing movers. $
• Providing moving supplies. $
• Securing service to handle donations, recycling, and discarding of items not making the move. $
• Ensuring shipment of any items Corky is giving to siblings, nieces and/or nephews. $
• Supporting efforts of Team Members.

*These steps will be explained later as we move forward.

Greg will be the Heritage Woods Coordinator

Confirm with Heritage Woods that all pre-move paperwork is complete.

Check in with Heritage Woods about suggestions and restrictions on personal belongings.

• Do they have a packing list for future residents?
• Are there any specific items needed? For example, some facilities may require a certain kind of laundry hamper or shower curtain.
• Are there any items Heritage Woods does not allow? For example, throw rugs, cardboard boxes, oversized furniture (i.e. “Loveseat/Couch?), wall mounted televisions (restriction on number of holes in walls?), etc. - some assisted living facilities do not allow them.

Schedule move-in day.

Coordinate with Heritage Woods staff on any moving day requirements.

Ensure creation and delivery of Corky’s Memory Album to Heritage Woods apartment:

• Photograph sentimental items not on Corky’s Legacy List.
• Create an album containing photographs $

Support efforts of Team Members

Heidi will be the Beyond Movers Coordinator

•     Ensure landlord receives move out notice.
• Ensure disconnection and cancelation notices are received by all utilities and other service providers.
• Ensure all essential parties are aware of Corky’s new address. For example,the postal service, Social Security Administration, financial institutions, medical providers, etc.
• Share Corky’s new address and contact information with essential personal contacts. Update family and friends.
• Ensure bill payment arrangements are in place.
• Ensure that essential records and documents are moved to Heritage Woods apartment.
• Facilitate the sale of any possessions.
•  Ensure digitization of any family photos or media and delivery to Heritage Woods apartment. $
•  Support efforts of Team members

Throughout this process, all team members will cooperate with one another and provide support and assistance as needed.